July 02, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I have a problem with my boyfriend. We’ve been friends for a year and I moved in with him six months ago.

Before I moved, I lived with my mom, stepfather and sisters. I moved because my stepdad didn’t want me to have a boyfriend. Every day he was busy with my mother, telling her that I was going to bring a belly home.

One day my boyfriend stopped by with his friends. I walked out the door and was talking to him and my stepdad made a big deal. I had to remind him that I was over 18. He got very angry when I told him he couldn’t help but have a boyfriend. I told my boyfriend to leave but he refused, and when my step dad behaved like he wanted to hit me, I almost stoned him. My boyfriend told me I had to put my things away and he would come back and get me. I hadn’t planned on living with a man. I told my mom I was leaving and she said it was better for me to go than to get myself into a mess.

Now pastor, I live with my boyfriend but he doesn’t have much time for me. I go to school and he told me I should quit and find a job. This man is very cowardly. I went to visit a friend and when I came back he asked me if I had been to see a man and I said no to him. He started to undress me. I was so shocked. He took off my blouse and started to smell it. He threw me on the bed and I started to resist him. He took off my pants and my underwear and smelled me. I told him he was crazy. I even gave her my girlfriend’s number and told her to call her. I called one of my aunts and told her what he had done and she said that’s not the way a good man behaves. Now he doesn’t want me to go anywhere and if my phone rings he wants to know who is calling. He gives me money but I’m not happy with him. My aunt is expanding her house and she told me she will hurry and finish a room so I can plan and live with her. My boyfriend doesn’t want to use a condom. Every day he says he wants me to get pregnant and he already has three children with three different women. I know a much older man who likes me. I have never been to his place, but he told me that he lived alone and that he would take care of me. I don’t know what to do, so I’m asking for your opinion.


Dear ET,

I am very sorry to hear of your ordeals. Much of what you are going through now has started with your stepfather’s behavior. He is indeed a very ignorant man. At your age, you’re old enough to have a boyfriend, and if he thought you shouldn’t have had one, it could have been discussed without a problem. It’s unfortunate that you had to rush out of the house and then accepted your boyfriend’s invitation to live with him. Obviously, you didn’t know your boyfriend very well. Obviously, he doesn’t trust you and from what you’ve said, you haven’t given him any reason not to trust you. I hope your aunt can finish arranging her house so that you can live with her. I don’t want to encourage you to go live with this older man because you don’t know much about him. You didn’t say you love him, so you have to be extra careful. You don’t want to jump out of the frying pan and jump into the fire. Please let me know what’s going on. I’m not saying you should exclude this older man, but you have to be careful not to jump from man to man. Please keep going to school, but be sure to leave your boyfriend.


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