Urinate in a plastic bottle, I agree. By accidentally spilling urine on yourself, I will agree, as unhappy as it may be. Take off your urine-soaked pants and underwear, I agree. But urinate into a plastic bottle, accidentally spill urine on yourself, remove your urine-soaked pants and underwear, then walk the drive-thru line completely naked from waist to toe. while wearing penis jewelry? It’s the sum of a bad, bad decision made by a fire captain in Plano, Texas.
The daily beast reports that the aforementioned fire captain was recently arrested and charged with exposing his genitals to a fast food restaurant employee, resulting in the captain’s suspension and demotion. The daily beast Acquired official documents from the city of Plano through a request for public documents, and the documents contained an oral history of the event. First, a story from the fire captain himself, taken from an email to a member of the Professional Standards Bureau of the Plano Police Department:
“On June 8, 2021, I decided to go to the grocery store to do the grocery shopping. After I brought my groceries to my pickup, I realized I needed to urinate. So instead of going back to the store, I recklessly decided to pee in an empty water bottle. I ended up spilling the water bottle full of pee on my shorts and my seat. So I took off my shorts and my underwear because they were soaked.
This part is good. Stupid, but fine. The man threw urine on himself; the man took off his urine-soaked pants. Unfortunately, the man without pants then decided to take a ride in a Chicken Express drive-thru. The following is an account from a drive-thru employee who contacted the police after the incident:
“I grabbed his card so he could pay for his order and turned to cash it and gave him his card back and he pulled out his penis.” He was alone, didn’t speak, just looked at me. I gave him his card and some food and he left. I told my manager what he had done and he had like a gold cock ring on his penis.
A golden cock ring! The fire captain wore a gold cock ring! If you ask me, it’s no coincidence; it is the staging. The daily beast reports that the fire captain claimed he tried to cover himself with a towel, but I don’t buy it. The guy was charged with indecent assault, arrested and suspended from the police department. He was allowed to return to work after 90 days of unpaid leave, but was demoted two ranks.
There are definitely a lot of jokes to be made here. Jokes about oversizing your order; jokes on whether or not you want fries with that. I’m too tired to make these jokes. I’ll just leave you with two things: first, don’t take your pants off at the drive-thru; Second, penis jewelry is embarrassing. Okay goodbye!